youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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