omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
