Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
