we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
