McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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