Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
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THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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