my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
