i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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