I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
