i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
