You can't special order awesome
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
