So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
