your room smells of hookers.
And success
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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