Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize