Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize