I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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