He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
