This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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