We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
