Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
