you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize