just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
