jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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