P.S. I can't hear my feet
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
