He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
