i wish my penis had a tongue
love makes seman taste better
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
my liver is dry heaving
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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