i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i love accidental penises.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
