just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
