not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
