I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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