Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
