I can't breathe out the right side of my face
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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