I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it's great music for shaving your balls
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
