i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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