So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
