Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize