he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
