good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
