OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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