I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
