3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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