the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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