Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
