it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
