My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I understand Curling. That high.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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