I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
