So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
