Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
