My hand turned me down
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
