Please don't use social media to get back at me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
