he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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