How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
