I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
