i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
