just tell him i said nine months
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
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I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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