why do cheetos always look like penises
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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