I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
