there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
