I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
smell my finger.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
