I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
