Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
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My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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