It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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