if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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