i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
