I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
