I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
