you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
