Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
