Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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