We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
