The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
