My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I am available for nakedness
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
