i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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